Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
