No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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