Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
