Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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