we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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