Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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