yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
