I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
