it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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