Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
