My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
