i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You need a sexual gate keeper
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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