I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
