im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
