She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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