i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
