wanna go halves on a baby?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
