I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
