I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
