would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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