Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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