After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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