On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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