Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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