WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
