get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
