using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
