So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
