I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
