so that wasnt chicken after all
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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