There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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