I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
