I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
