i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
