bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
