you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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