God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
