his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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