Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
