When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
