Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
