so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
