Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
