I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
