Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
