So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
