my phone needs a breathalizer
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
