Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
