Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
