fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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