Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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