OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
