Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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