idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
