im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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