ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Quick, to the slutcave!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We need to rekindle our bromance
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
