Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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