Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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