Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
