remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
