I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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