im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
