He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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