Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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