grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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