he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
