Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
