I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
