I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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