The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
