it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
