there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
