one two three fourrrrnication!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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