she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
